Therapy with Xandra

In practice this shows up as me being open and accepting with any and all ways that you identify. I will be able to combine how you identify with how that impacts you and how you interact within the world. I feel it’s important to know the different aspects of you in order to really understand your perspective and how to better help you.

This form of therapy is focused on increasing your awareness, freedom, and self-direction. I use Humanistic therapy as a way to help you overcome your difficulties through personal growth. While using Gestalt therapy to explore how you are influenced by your present environment. Humanistic therapy includes other modern psychology theories that help me focus on you as the expert of yourself.

Mindfulness therapy is based on Eastern meditation and Buddhist spiritual beliefs. I keep in mind the cultural significance and the therapeutic benefits of mindfulness, so I can help you break away from negative thoughts and patterns. I help you do this by teaching your skills to help you focus on the present moment, while practicing greater compassion towards yourself. I also help you by learning and practicing to access your own wisdom by increasing curiosity and decreasing judgment.

I use expressive art exercises to explore daily emotions as well as topics that are difficult to express in words. This is especially useful for you if you are a creative type of person, but you don’t have to be an “artist” to get a lot of surprising insight through expressive art.

Often people come to therapy with a sense of “something is wrong with me” or “I am the problem.” Narrative therapy is a way to externalize those difficult feelings and use a “you and your therapist vs the problem” route to process the feelings. This can help you process the feelings easier and change the cycle of self-punishment. 

I have been using Internal Family Systems (IFS) since my early traineeship as a therapist as a way to change how clients talk to themselves and better understand parts of themselves that behave differently to how they want to behave and think. I have noticed that a lot of my clients easily gravitate to this method, especially since it is well known in pop culture about people’s “inner child,” or “inner saboteur.” This therapy style uses Attachment Theory, Gestalt/Humanistic Therapy, Expressive Arts, Mindfulness, and Narrative Therapy techniques as a foundation of Internal Family Systems. Also, I use all of those therapies for both individual and couples therapy.

I am not a certified IFS therapist, but I am trained in the therapy method.

The Gottman Method is a more structured type of therapy for couples. The Gottman Institute website describes the method best – “[t]he goals of Gottman Method Couples Therapy are to disarm conflicting verbal communication; increase intimacy, respect, and affection; remove barriers that create a feeling of stagnancy; and create a heightened sense of empathy and understanding within the context of the relationship.” I have adapted the Gottman Method to be more useful for LGBTQIA+ couples, Kink/BDSM relationships, and Polyamorous/Consensual Non-monogamous/Ethical Non-Monogamous relationships. 

It’s important to note that I am not a certified Gottman therapist, but I am trained in the therapy method.

I use attachment theory as a way to understand how current behaviors and thoughts are impacted by past relationships – positive, neutral, and negative. This can benefit you by better understanding why you may do the things you do that cause you strife on a regular basis. 

I use Motivational Interviewing (MI) as a way to empower you to change by drawing out your own meaning, importance, and capacity for change. MI is based on a respectful and curious way of being with you that facilitates the natural process of change and honors your autonomy. In this sense, I speak with you as an equal partner and refrain from unsolicited advice, instructing, directing, etc. I’m not there to force you to change, rather I am there to help explore where you are at in your journey. I go at your pace, which can need time and patience, but that has shown to provide better results than to force change before you’re ready.

I mostly use play therapy with clients who are children-adolescents, but adults have also shown to benefit from using play therapy as well. It can be a great tool for you to explore your feelings in therapy in a playful way or even exploring your feelings if having symbols helps you discuss feelings in an externalized way. Play is a great way to learn skills, for us to connect with each other, and sometimes can be a great distraction to focus on something else while discussing hard topics.

Even before the COVID-19 public emergency started, I have advocated for Video Game Therapy for the same reasons stated in play therapy. In session, I use my Nintendo switch, Steam, and free online games to help connect, talk, and explore difficult topics. I even connect the video games as metaphors for real life issues. 

While I am not the BEST gamer, I still consider myself a gamer. This has been invaluable for youth and adults who feel judged by others for their helpful video game hobbies. And, as a gamer, I can be a better voice when those hobbies start to interrupt your life to help you change and get your hobbies back to a more helpful place.

Geek Therapy describes this modality best as, “[a]n affinity-based model of therapeutic intervention and communication based on the theory that the best way to understand each other, and ourselves, is through the media we care about.” I use this technique by exploring your interests and potentially using them as ways to better understand other therapeutic techniques and styles. For example, I may use Narrative therapy with you as the Superhero facing off against a Villain part of you in order to defeat/overcome the Villain and save the day. Or I may recognize a similar experience/emotion expressed in a character, and we can explore how that character could have made different choices. Which in turn helps you pause to assess how to make more helpful choices for yourself.